Its been exactly a year since I ended my first run of the 100 Happy Days Challenge. Here’s what I wrote at the end of the challenge.
Since that time, well let’s just say it’s been eventful and call it a day. I don’t have the time or space here to go through all that’s happened in the year since then. So I’ll sum it up with a simple two word phrase: I’m tired.
I’ve been through a long summer job and fantastic show last summer, two tumultuous semesters, a hard breakup, a whirlwind adventure in the broadcasting world at BU, and an interesting (if hard) spiritual development. And all I feel at the end of it is tired; absolutely drained.
I should say this before anything else, I’m not in a bad position. I have my health, I have many good things in my life, and I have a spectacular summer ahead of me. I’m not doing badly, I’m just worn down. It’s as if I’ve gained 5 years in just 1. As if I became a 40 year old soul in a 20 year old’s body. And I’m not sure how good that is.
I still have enough energy to work and function as per usual, and I’m still in many respects the same guy. I’m still up for an adventure into a city I’ve not been to. I still love doing sports stuff. In fact I might love it more now than at any other point in my life. I still love God and the Catholic Church. I still love having political discussions and trying to reach a good and truthful conclusion on hard issues. I still have so much fun with many of the same things that I’ve enjoyed for years now. I just don’t have the energy level I once did. At least it feels that way.
When I was a kid, I was the energizer bunny. I could go for hours and hours and hours, playing baseball, running through my yard, biking, talking, doing whatever. I always had a reserve tank of energy. I could always power through a day, regardless of how long, and still have energy to spare at the end of it. I could still do that going back to the early days of college. I can still kinda pull it off now. But I can’t do it on demand. I’m also not as full of energy on a normal basis as I was even last year. My most frequent response to people asking me “How are you?” has been “I’m tired” or some variation of that. It’s a little alarming, but I’ve accepted it as where I am right now.
I hope that a summer on the cape will reenergize me and get me nice and recharged. This place has done that so many times before. I know that baseball can do that for me too. Again, it’s done it so many times for me before. But I’ll need a huge reset from this summer. It’ll be a long process, but I think I’m up for it and It’ll be a fruitful summer. In many respects it already has been. TRL Hockey took me on as a staff writer and the Brewster Whitecaps have given me some excellent work on the young season. It’s been a pleasure being around them and they’ve started the recharge. I just need the rest of the summer for it to run its course. For now at least, I’m still tired!!